In the last month, I have heard many tales of epic feats of driving. I have heard of gmskarka driving from Kansas to Maine, and I have heard of yojimbouk driving from Land's End to John O'Groats in a single day, and I have been inspired to complete my own epic. It needed to be something that matched the majesty of their journeys, but yet also matched the reality of my life, here, in London. And now I think I have it.

So on a Saturday this November, accompanied by my trusty partner-in-crime luciddestiny, I will be setting out on a journey that is probably the hardest drive I personally have ever attempted. We will be attempting to perform a complete circumnavigation of London along the South and North Circulars and the Woolwich Ferry. Yes, a sanity-snapping 49 miles along some of the worst roads in London, through pre-Christmas Saturday traffic. Oh, and we're going to try to do it in three hours.

Mad? Possibly. Epic? I'd certainly like to think so.

The plan is to start at the western end of each road, where they meet, at the roundabout of the M4's Junction 1. (Strictly speaking, we'll meet up at the B&Q carpark that's just off this roundabout. We will set off at 11 am, heading anti-clockwise on the South Circular in order to get the hardest part of the journey over first. I'm aiming for us to complete the 21 miles of the South Circular in around an hour and forty-five minutes, arriving at the Woolwich Ferry by 12:45. This is obviously going to be hard-going (it once took me and luciddestiny two and a half hours just to make it as far as Catford) but I think we need to set a bullish timetable.

Once across the Woolwich Ferry, we should have about an hour to complete the 28 miles of the North Circular. If the traffic goes with us, this should be eminently doable; after all, the North Circular is a six-lane dual carriageway highway for much of its length.

But of course, lurking in the background is, as with any journey on that infernal road - the Hanger Lane Gyratory System. Memorably described by a former boss of mine as "Ben Hur", this is a big mother of a junction. But we'll be approaching it from the good side, and with a steady foot, judicious use of indicators, and a willingness to ruthlessly cut-up vehicles much larger than us, I figure we should pop out of there like a well-lubed sex toy when the vicar's just unexpectedly popped in.

Then it's just a final nail-biting crawl down a perpetually congested single-carriageway road - and the finish line awaits!

Anyone else fancy joining us?

Tags: driving, north circular, south circular

There's a classic quote, along the lines of:

"Americans think 100 years is a long time; Europeans think 100 miles is a long way."

...that I was reminded of on several occasions during our time at Gencon.

A long time? Well when we did a very Segway tour, our host did at one point say: "This is a very old building... it was built in 1846." (Although to be fair, he said it with a chuckle and then added: "Though probably not to you guys.")

And a long way? Well on a load of occasions I had a conversation that went along the following lines:

Me: So where are you from?

Con Goer: Nebraska / Texas / Georgia / Somewhere miles and miles away.

Me: When did you fly in?

Con Goer: We drove.

I did it again and again. However hard I tried to stop doing it, I couldn't - although by the end of the con I'd changed to a related cock-up. ("When are you flying out?")

Why? Well over this side of the pond, we just don't drive that far.

Take us Londoners and our Edinburgh gaming friends, for example. Every March we go to Scotland's capital for Conpulsion. And every December they come down to London for Dragonmeet. Now I guess if we were more eco-friendly we'd take the train. And if we were poorer, we'd take a coach (bus). As it is, we always fly. But there's one thing we've never done, which is to drive. Why?

Because from London to Edinburgh is four hundred fucking miles!

A little over a year ago, I attended a wedding in Edinburgh. (I won't say who it is in case they don't want it talked about). Having flown up the day before and settled into the hotel, we got to the church at around two. There, we met three of the London guests. I was a bit confused as they hadn't been staying at the hotel. I asked someone when they'd flown in, and received an unbelievable reply: they'd driven from London to Edinburgh that day, starting out at some unearthly hour and driving four hundred miles solid.

The news spread through amazed whispers, accompanied by by confused looks. They'd driven four hundred fucking miles? In a single day? In the name of God, why? Had they left it too late to book flights? After all, no sane person would voluntarily submit themselves to such a feat of endurance, would they?

And then I came to Gencon, and found a race of automotive supermen with lead feet and cast-iron arses, who think nothing of getting in their cars and setting off across half a continent. (And that with a speed limit lower than ours). What can I say? I'm both awed and impressed. Not enough to copy you guys, I should stress. You won't catch me driving four hundred miles in a single day when I can sit in a magic tube at 30,000 feet doing 600 mph. You can keep thinking that one hundred years is a long time and I'll keep thinking that one hundred miles is a long way.

But I am seriously impressed.

Finally, of all journeys I heard of over the last weekend, I have to award the prize to the one reported to me by gmskarka - a journey from Kansas to Maine of one thousand, six hundred miles. Or to put it in a European context, London to Minsk.

Sir, I salute you.

Tags: driving, gencon