July 31st, 2007

Gaming

BlockBuster: Episode II ("The Norfolk Spaceman")

Here's what might have been published in the next few days:

UFO Spotted Over Norfolk

Witnesses across Norfolk claimed last night to have seen an unidentified flying object. Mike Fallon, publican of the Horse and Crown at Upper Haddon, said: "I saw a set of lights flying across the night sky far faster than any plane I've ever seen or heard of; it made no noise, and turned on a six-pence to fly back across us.

Ministry of Defence spokesman said that the lights were probably caused by the effect of moonlight shining through marsh gas. A representative at the near-by USAF Upper Haddon airbase said that they had picked no objects up on radar but that they could not release the radar data due to reasons of "operational security".

Daily Mirror
Extra-Terrestrial Body Found In Norfolk

The Society has received news from reliable sources that the security forces retrieved the body of an alien humanoid from a river in Norfolk, shortly after the sighting in the area of an unidentified flying object.

The alien, possibly the pilot of the aforementioned UFO, was described as thin (to the point of being skeletal) with white skin and purple hair, and was apparently dressed in a form-fitting one-piece silver suit.

MOD spokesman have declined to offer any comment to the Journal.

The Journal of the Society of Hidden Truths

Glam Rock Bass Player Found Dead

Confusion exists over the fate of Starshine bassist Zakk Zacheria Zackson the Zack (a.k.a. Geoffrey Fossington) who apparently disappeared last night shortly before a gig at a USAF airbase in Norfolk.

His shocked and confused bandmates told Sound & Vibe that he: "nipped out for a smoke and never came back, we thought he'd had enough and walked off... then a bunch of police came into our room and said that he was dead!"

The Norfolk police were not able to give any further information about the case except to confirm the fact of Fossington's death. They said that reports of his being shot multiple times were dangerous and uninformed speculation.

In a comment to our reporter, his mother, Lady Sheila Fossington, said: "He was such a lovely boy... but he needed to eat more and get some sun. He was all skin and bones. I blame the drugs." Bandmates report that Fossington, famous for his purple-dyed hair, was wearing his trademark silver catsuit at the time he disappeared.

Sound & Vibe Magazine
Trespassers Arrested In Wildwood Forest

Local police have reported the arrest of a group of trespassers who were camping illegally in the nearby Wildwood Forest. The trespassers, who were staying in two VW Vans, and who were apparently dressed mostly in German Army army-surplus uniforms, were described by police as "peaceful hippies".

Upper Haddon Police Constable Joe Phillips said, "They might talk a good fight, but when I turned up with a few of my boys they were as meek as lambs!"

Phillips later added that he had received some assistance from the Elite River Unit.

Upper Haddon Parish Gazatte


What Actually Happened?

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